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Coming Out

What is coming out?

Coming out is when people reveal their gender identity or sexual orientation to their family, friends, or others. It is a process that can be very scary for the person, and so it’s important to know how to be supportive! But first, why is coming out such a momentous thing? First off, it is because the person coming out may not know how the person receiving the news will react. They may be supportive and accepting, which is amazing! But there is also a possibility that the person receiving the news will not be understanding, in which case the person coming out may feel rejected or misunderstood.

 

If the environment is not supportive for the person coming out (which unfortunately happens too often in Indian households where people are not as accepting of the LGBTQ+ community), it can be harmful both mentally and physically. Mentally, the person coming out may feel that their identity has been rejected, and they may feel that their relationships with their family or friends have been ruined. This can be a very isolating situation, and it can lead to high rates of depression or even suicide. There can also be physically unsafe consequences if a person who has come out is not received with support. There have been cases of honor killings, “corrective” rape, or other “corrective” therapies to try and “cure” a person’s identity. In other cases, the person may be kicked out of their homes and left without support or resources.

 

These situations are common in many Indian households, which makes many individuals scared to come out -- but not coming out is also harmful. It can be a mental burden to live with a “separate” identity due to not being able to come out, and there have also been cases of people not getting proper help when they run into sex-related problems. For example, not visiting the doctor or not reporting sexual assault or violence due for fear that the person will be unintentionally outed can lead to many of these problems going untreated. So, it is clear that coming out is a process that can hold lots of emotion, fear, and tension for people in the LGBTQ+ community, and it is something that can directly affect their mental and physical health.

 

How can we as a society work to combat this problem? To begin, we can become understanding and comfortable with diverse genders and sexual orientations, recognizing that these attributes are a part of a person’s identity. They are not something that is “wrong” with a person, or something that can or should be changed. Then, we must make sure that we show support and respect for the people around us -- because they are humans. Simple as that. Your respect for someone as a person should not change based on their gender identity or sexual orientation. Additionally, it is important to remember that a person’s decision to come out is their own, and they should only do it when they feel comfortable.

 

Here are some ideas for how you can show your support if someone decides to come out to you: 

  • Be positive and accepting! Remind the person that you love and respect them no matter what. 

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  • If you need to ask questions to better understand, be sensitive! Ask questions to learn, not to argue. 

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  • Don’t make it seem like coming out is a bad thing! Even if you have your own personal feelings towards the LGBTQ+ community, show respect and empathy. If you were in a similar situation, you would want to be welcomed too!

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  • Continue to learn about the LGBTQ+ community through the media, other people, etc, so that you can make your perspective and the environment one that is positive and accepting.

On the flip side, if you are someone that is questioning your sexual orientation or gender identity, and you are contemplating whether to come out -- you are not alone! Here are some things to consider:

  • It is important to recognize the environment that surrounds you. Although many people are becoming increasingly accepting of the LGBTQ+ community, your specific friends or family may have a different opinion. It may help to try and bring the topic up casually in the media or in a normal conversation to test the waters. 

  • You decide when and how to come out! Don’t feel pressured to do it until you are ready. Take your time and find help if you need to! Talk through what you’re feeling with a trusted person if possible, or maybe find a community online that can help you out.  The thing of utmost importance is your safety. If you don’t feel safe in the environment to come out, don’t! Remember that you don’t have to come out -- you are still YOU even if you keep it to yourself! 

  • Start out by coming out to people that you trust or know will be supportive. If you’re not sure, try finding a community in your school, city, or online that can help and support you! Always remember that you are not alone, and there are millions of people in the country and around the world that accept you just for being you. 

  • If you do come out and feel unsafe or uncomfortable, know or find resources that can help you -- LGBTQ+ support groups or shelters can guide you if the situation takes a turn for the worse. Remember that even if your coming out is not taken as you had hoped, you are still valid, deserving, and perfect just the way you are. Find a support system, and work ahead from there. 

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