SEX & ABSTINENCE
WHAT IS SEXUAL INTERCOURSE?
Sexual intercourse is the process by which two people stimulate the genital organs of one or both of the people. This can involve penetration of the penis into the vagina, orally, or anally, or oral or rubbing simulation with the hands of the genital and other sensitive areas. An individual may have sex with the goal of procreation, as a means of pleasure, to strengthen a relationship through physical bonding, or for a variety of other reasons. Deciding when to have start having sex is a personal decision, though there are benefits to staying abstinent when a person is younger or at anytime in life. Like having sex, abstinence is also a personal choice -- and either way is completely fine! Having sex or not is not something to be ashamed of since it depends so much on one’s personal life and decisions -- you are the only person that can make the best possible choice for yourself.
What is Abstinence & what are the benefits?
There are many kinds of abstinence! Abstinence may mean avoiding penetrative sex, or it may mean avoiding any kind of sexual interaction. Even if a person is abstinent, they may choose to engage in outercourse (sexual activities that don’t involve penetration like masturbation, oral sex, dry humping etc), or they might not. The meaning of abstinence and what kinds of things it entails is also a personal choice, and that is okay! Someone may become abstinent when they are young, or when they are older -- even if someone has already had sex before, they can still choose to be abstinent. As long as abstinence is safely serving the needs and goals of an individual, it is a good choice.
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Why might someone choose to be abstinent? Here are some common reasons:
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A person may choose to stay abstinent as a part of their moral, religious, or personal values and beliefs.
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Abstinence may also help a person to focus more on their job, education, or other activities in their life.
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Abstinence is possibly the most effective method of preventing unplanned pregnancies or the spread of sexually transmitted diseases (depending upon what an individual considers abstinence for themself).
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Staying abstinent can help people wait for a relationship or partner that they feel comfortable with. This can help to make sex safer and more pleasurable.
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Staying abstinent can allow people to grow aspects of their relationship other than the physical or sexual aspect, or it may be freeing to be in a romantic relationship without the stress of a sexual relationship as well.
It is completely possible to choose abstinence when in a relationship, but it comes down to proper communication to be effective. Do not be afraid to talk to your partner openly about your goals, and if abstinence is something that you would like to choose, let your partner know. Set boundaries and communicate how you can continue your relationship with abstinence in mind. Your partner should respect your choice, as you should respect theirs! Never feel pressured to engage in any activity, even with your significant other or someone that you trust, that you do not feel comfortable with. If it is possible to safely remove yourself from the situation, do so -- your choices, your comfort, and your safety are of utmost importance. If the situation escalates beyond your consent or comfort level at any time, or if you feel unsafe, calling a trusted friend or family member, a domestic violence hotline, or even the police may be helpful. In a section that is coming soon, we will discuss how to discreetly get help or get out of an unsafe situation, whether that is domestic or public.